Beauty

The pain and the secret of the abortion.  I've spent alot of my life hiding from everyone.  I never told anyone and carried the weight of that secret for over 30 years.  I think the root of hiding started way back in my home when I sat cowering with my brother in fear while listening to quarreling between our parents.  When we hide we don't have to be seen or heard and it's a way of self protecting.  We can be unapproachable by putting on a mask, never letting others see who we really are.  I didn't dare step into a church until 1995 when God was drawing me back to Him and the relationship I had with Him as a teen.  Even then, sitting in church I had feelings of unworthiness knowing if anyone ever knew my secret I'd be shunned; found not good enough.  Little did I realize that the church is for the sick, not the perfect.  I thought everyone around me was a perfect "christian".  Even attending church and experiencing more intimacy with God and understanding His forgiveness, I still had little trust of people.  And I couldn't forgive myself.  My recommitted life to Jesus  hadn't healed the pain of my abortion.

 

Fear hides itself in our insecurities with many names and labels.  When we know in our heart the right thing or choice to be made, fear shows up and for me it became stronger than my will to make the right choice.  The damage's brought on by the insecurity I felt in my home early on, hid away in my being.  I didn't know my personality and who God created me to be, had been altered by fear and insecurity.  Fear was the main factor in my choice to have an abortion.   My inability  to have 'small talk' always centered on fear of what people would think of me.  The irony is, God has me share His story of my life;  I am not a "speaker".  I fumble for words- yet He gives the words of Life and allows me to share His story of my life to show you that He is above all of my circumstances and He has a good plan for my future as I trust Him to come and make a new life in me by the power of the Holy Spirit which has enabled me to be who He made me to be.  I am still discovering all the facets of who I am!  Gods word says, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."  1 John 1:9

 

About 8 years ago the Lord brought me to a place where He wanted me to stop running and hiding from Him and face what I'd done and trust Him to bring me through a deeper healing process.  When I brought up to Him ..."how can you forgive the magnitude of what I've done?"  His reply to me was, "Your focus is scued.  You need to look at the magnitude of My Forgiveness for what you've done."  He has removed the weight of this secret that I'd held for most of my life.  When we open ourselves up to be seen, realizing Jesus is the light of the world...the darkness is exposed and can no longer be hidden and that is when healing occurs!  A very real weight was literally lifted from me.  Shame, Guilt, Fear, Regret, Unworthiness.  He showed me where I belonged and to whom I belonged.  Through this post abortion group he has shown me the very real effects the abortion had in altering my life.  Really losing a part of myself and I am still in the process of discovering who I really am.    

 

God wants to bring healing to those experiencing the pain of their past.  Not just for abortion.  We all carry things that we aren't meant to carry.  God wants to remove the weight of our past and bring restoration to our relationship to Him and to other people in our life.  He desires to Redeem the past.

 

Isaiah 42:18-19   says:

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing.  I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.

 

2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore if anyone is in Christ; he is a new creation. The old has gone. The new has come.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I wholeheartedly recommend Her Choice to Heal group as a path to healing for even crusty hard cases such as myself. (smile)  All that is required is to stay open to the process and follow the path laid out by the leader without arguing or bolting for the door.  Ultimately what you think about abortion intellectually or what you decide to believe about the fate of these unborn children is a very personal decision between you and Christ.  Some of us look forward to meeting our unborn children in heaven, some of us aren't so sure.  I believe you will find that a full understanding of God's reality for unborn children is not needed.  What is needed is only a childlike trust in our loving heavenly Father.  Whatever God's realities are, I welcome them.  My heavenly Father is a loving God, not a shaming God.  I stopped defending myself and freely gave it all to Him.    These days I am once again seated comfortably for the sermons and very thankful

I no longer live under a cloud of shame and fear.

 

 

 

I came to this group very broken and lost and in constant pain.  Through the group I have found forgiveness and healed in many ways.

 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

 

 

This group has been life changing for me and God has really used it.  The leaders were so very loving and caring and the thoughtfulness that was given to each small detail was a great blessing.

                                                                                                                                         

 

 

This has been the most opening experience to God I've ever had.  Thank you.

                                                                                                                                          

 

I was so excited to start the bible study.  Then I wanted to quit.  So glad I didn't because God is Amazing!  How He can change someone like me.  I just love the leader.  Wonderful woman and friend.  I felt comfortable with her as soon as I hugged her the first time.  The content was pretty intense but what did I expect after holding something in for 18 years.  The tears I'm crying now are tears of how blessed I am for meeting some women that have gone through the same thing as me.  And to know my journey is just beginning.  I give God all the glory.

                                                                                                                                          

 

This is a wonderful program that helps you realize you are not solely to blame for the choices you made and that was huge.  Because I read the bible on my own, I had a hard time making a connection with some of the daily readings and devotions.  My leader is very willing to share from her own experience which then made it easier to share mine.  It is a good solid relationship based program.

 

I know that I am forgiven and not only does Jesus love and forgive me but so do my babies.  While I might not be completely whole yet, I am moving on the journey to get there.  

 

Word needs to get out more about the group.

                                                                                                                                          

 

I really needed to know that what I was going through was normal and that there were ways to get through it.  I wanted to meet and be friends with other people like me.  I felt the class went above and beyond what I expected.  The activities were good with helping to bond and bring about new feelings/open new doors within me.  Relationship and truth were helpful.   I needed to open up and express my feelings with people that understood.  I enjoyed this group.  The leaders were great and the environment was homey and peaceful!  I also really liked the books- they were perfect.  

 

 

I am truly thankful for this program and that it's available to anyone.  I was surprised to know how many women suffer and have to deal with this great pain.  The leader was wonderful through the process and very comforting.  She made me feel I could say or tell her anything and not be embarrassed.  The recovery guide was eye opening.  I would never of realized or viewed feelings and emotions in a way that it had shown me.  It's guide helped me see how important that God is a real role in my life.  I'm not sure where I'd be today without this special program; how much it has impacted my life for the better.  I thank God for all the women and people that have been called into this program.

 

 

 

I cannot describe how amazing this journey with this post abortion group has been.  I am so thankful for you doing God's work, helping me to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I feel a new beginning has started and God has just begun.  

 

 

 

stay tuned for more.....